Hello Sobriety

They say in the Bible (I think it’s in the Bible) - what’s done in the dark will be brought to the light .  And while my darkness of drinking was very cozy and happy in the privacy of my own home, that inner voice brought it to the light. Every time I went to the liquor store. Every time I poured a drink. Every. Single. Stinking. Time. “You should quit drinking.” That’s what it would say. Like a whisper in my ear. Over and over again. “You should quit drinking.” So I did. For a short while. But it was hard. Like really hard. Like white-knuckle hard. And after a few weeks, I drank again. And it was good. Really good.   But that voice never stops speaking until you listen. That voice kept whispering “you should quit drinking.” So again, I quit. And again, I drank. And I’d quit. And I’d drink. Back and forth like this for years… until recently. This time, I just quit. This time, there was no plan. There was no quit date set or some big farewell drink. I just stopped ...

Aside from my drinking, I'm also a photographer, designer and a 500hr RYT. (I know... I was a highly functioning drinker!) I spent two months in India a few years ago. Sober the entire trip... until I sat at the airport in Delhi waiting for my return flight home. Funny how things can appear one way on the outside and feel so different on the inside. I used to be a smoker, too. A serious smoker. Like a pack a day, two if I was drinking. And now people look at me in shock when I tell them this. There is nothing about me that says, "this girl smoked." I eat well, stagger in and out of vegetarianism. And I work-out a lot. However, it seems like lately my practice has taken a back seat. Not to drinking, but to life. Which makes me sad. I always told my students, the hardest part is showing up. Ain't that the truth? So true, I'm not even showing up. Not for myself. And certainly not for others. I need to return to my mat. Because on my mat, I'm clear-headed and ...

It took me a long time to realize that when someone lies to you, it’s not about you. Let me say that again… IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.   It’s not that they don’t love you. Or care about you. Or respect you. It’s not that they mean to hurt you. But rather they lie, to not hurt themselves. Everything one does to another, rarely has anything to do with the other person at all. But rather is a reflection of how they feel towards themselves. They lie because they can’t face their own truth. They cheat because they feel they are lacking. They dodge commitment because they fear failure. Now none of this is scientific, it’s just based on my own experiences. Because most of my life, shoot - all my life, I have dated men that have lied, cheated and betrayed me. For years and years I maintained this cycle. Man after man. Lies after lies. (Yep - that is intentionally plural because I never, ever walked away after the first lie. It usually takes years of lies before I realize it's time ...