Do the work. DO THE FUCKING WORK.

Fair enough. Maybe I didn't need to swear or repeat myself, but I need to be super clear, and sometimes swearing (and repeating) helps. DO THE FUCKING WORK.

Okay, fine. I’ll do the work. But first, what does that even mean? "Do the work"? What work? When I first quit drinking, I immersed myself in podcasts, mostly about AA and its members sharing their stories. One phrase echoed repeatedly: “doing the steps.” For me, as a non-AA member (but still a damn, dumb drinker all the same), this translated to “do the work.” But again, what was that? In AA, it’s clearly defined. Everyone knows the steps and the order in which to do them. But if you aren’t in AA and you understand “steps” as “work,” then what?

This is my loose interpretation of what it means when someone tells you to “do the work” in early, mid, and forever sobriety.

To begin, the meaning of “do the work” changes. When I first quit drinking in September 2022, it meant not picking up a drink today. My “work” was to stay sober, one minute, hour, and day at a time. That’s all. I didn’t have to do anything else I didn’t want to do other than not drink. Some days, this single challenge felt like climbing a mountain, and it was about all I could handle.

But as the days turned into weeks and eventually months, the challenge of not drinking became easier. As this became easier, other challenges emerged. And that is where my “work” would change—or perhaps "expand" is a better word. You see, the initial work doesn’t ever end; it just grows. Every day, you face more “work.” (Sounds exhausting, huh? Sometimes it can be... but most of the time, it's incredibly rewarding!)

So back to the expansion: Day one—just don’t drink today. Okay, got it. Two months in—now I can’t sleep. Okay, prioritize healthy habits that promote proper sleep AND just don’t drink today. Two months later—sleep is normalizing, but now I’m crying all the time. I’m a friggin’ basket case! What is wrong with me? Okay, recognize, feel, and unpack my emotions. Got it. Now my work is to understand emotions I’ve buried deep inside forever, prioritize healthy sleep habits, and still… just don’t drink today. 

Fast forward to 22 months alcohol-free, and I’m still “doing the work.” Because, as demonstrated, that work never ends; it simply expands. Sure, it gets easier over time. The areas we’ve already worked on become stronger and more consistent with less effort. But some days, it feels like you're right back at the beginning. In those moments, sit, breathe, take pause. And remember how far you've already come. Even if it's just day one.

Every day, I face myself and engage in difficult conversations with my heart to better understand my place in this world. I nourish the parts of me that crave change, growth, understanding, and forgiveness—all while I still... just don’t drink today.

So you see, doing the “work” is the only way through. And doing the “work” never ends; it only expands. To be honest, I think this is true for all aspects of life. It’s not reserved exclusively for those of us looking to quit drinking. It’s available to anyone who welcomes change. And the kicker is, it never ends. But honestly, would we want it to? Could you imagine waking up one day and realizing there was no more “work” to do? I'm done! Perfect! All is right with my being! Nope. I can't either.

So yes, do the work. DO THE EVER GROWING, FOREVER CHANGING, FUCKING WORK. It’s the only way forward. Your heart will thank you.

Today I am 675 days sober.