Lightly child, lightly.

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me. When it comes to dying even.
Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic. No rhetoric, no tremolos,
no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of Christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics. Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage,
not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered.”

~ Aldous Huxley, Island

This is one of my favorite poems. I’ve known these words for years. And for years, I’ve known that I should not drink. And now, more than ever, these words seem so incredibly relevant. The fear. The self-pity and dispair. The thought of quicksands pulling at my feet.

And the idea that perhaps I’m creating this resistance by trying too hard. By creating worry and sadness around the thought of never drinking again… and maybe this is telling me to shift my perspective. To not make it about never drinking again. But rather… about not drinking right now. Today. And then today will be tomorrow. And hopefully, before I know it, there will have been many "todays" that I have walked so lightly through. One gentle step closer at a time.

Hello, sobriety. I'm coming for you. Lightly.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Go Ahead, Ask The Universe. I Dare You.

Image
Have you ever wanted something so much that it was all you could think about or talk about? I have. I wanted to be laid off so I could embark on my grandest adventure yet! I planned to sell all my belongings, buy a van, and hit the road—living the Vantastic Life!! That was my dream! But first, I needed to leave my job, which deep down terrified me. I had a great job. Well, by great, I mean it paid very, very well and had top-notch health insurance. It basically gave me everything I needed to live a stable, settled life. The only thing was, that's not what I wanted anymore. The job I dreamed of leaving was once the job I dreamed of having. And at first, it was everything I hoped for! But over time, I changed. I grew. I wanted more. But leaving on my own accord was just too terrifying. So instead, I left it up to the universe. Yep. I prayed, over and over, that the universe would lay me off. And, well... it did. On February 15, 2017, I was called to HR and let go. At first, I felt li...
Read more

Loss, Grief and Sobriety. A Powerful Combination.

January 26, 2023. That's the day my dad passed away. Twenty-eight days ago. Almost a month already. Jeesh. It's hard to believe. Even though we knew it was coming, it seems you can never fully prepare for the death of a loved one. Let alone a parent. My dad suffered from Alzheimers. He had been progressing further and further into the depths of this illness for nearly seven years. But it wasn't until he got sick with covid in August of 2021 that his health really began to decline. You see, up until then, my dad could still get around and mostly care for himself. I say that loosely because he still needed quite a bit of assistance, but not like he did after covid. To make a long story short, my dad was hospitalized twice while sick. I was the only one of my entire local family that wasn't sick, so the hospital kindly allowed me to stay with him. My dad's condition would not have understood, nor navigated, this week-long stay in the hospital by himself. And while it w...
Read more

Navigating the White-Knuckle Stage of Early Sobriety

Image
13 tips & tricks on navigating the white-knuckle stage of going alcohol free OK, so you’re in the first few days of going alcohol-free. The days where you feel like you’re hanging on, with all you got, just not to have a drink today. I like to call this my white-knuckle stage; because there were truly times I thought I was holding on for dear life! And perhaps I was, until I found these resources to help me pull through. Here are my personal Lucky 13 tips for navigating early sobriety:   PODCASTS! Yes… podcasts. I listened to more podcasts than I can count. A few of my daily favorites are: The Rich Roll Podcast  and Andrew Huberman has a great episode titled “What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain and Health. Epsisode 86 Definitely worth a listen!! I also really love sobriety podcasts, including Sober Shares and Keep Coming Back . For myself, it’s always comforting to hear the stories of others. Trust me… you’re not the only who’s done some crazy shit, woke up terrified...
Read more