Set Intentions. Not Resolutions.

Every year, right around December 27, we start to ask ourselves... what are my New Years resolutions? And every year, we come up with a slew of things that we resolve to change. Lose weight. Stop smoking. Eat better. The list of improvements goes on and on. And most of the time, these resolutions only last a few days, at best. So what if we shifted our perspective and expectations a bit? What if instead of looking at these as resolutions, we look at these as intentions? Hmmm... let's break this thought down a bit more.

According to the Oxford Languages definition, the word resolution means:

1. A firm decision to do, or not to do, something.
2. The quality of being determined to resolute.

Now, let's look at the word INTENTION:
1. A thing intended; an aim or plan.
And in medicine; 2. the healing process of a wound. 

Holy cow!! "The healing process of a wound." How friggin' cool is that?! Already, just by shifting the word, we've shifted our thought towards the action. So no longer am I resolving to "lose twenty pounds," but now I'm healing the wound that is causing me to gain the weight in the first place. By looking at the root of the cause, we can heal the side effect. In other words... well, let's take my drinking as an example. For years and years I over-drank. I isolated myself and created a world of sadness. Was it my drinking that caused me to do this? Perhaps a little bit over the course of time. But it certainly wasn't what started it. As I reflect, I often come back to a relationship I was in many years ago. He suffered from bi-polar, manic depression and self-medicated with alcoholic. When intoxicated, which was most of the time, he would become emotionally and physically abusive. And instead of leaving the relationship, I found a way to protect myself. I created a world of numbness so I would no longer feel the pain he caused, nor would I have to deal with the pain I was causing myself by not leaving. I drank to protect myself. I isolated myself so no one would know what was happening. And as this grew, my drinking grew. And the more I drank, the more I isolated. And the more I isolated, the more I lost trust in others... including myself. And the more I lost trust in others (and myself), the more I drank. And just like that, a toxic cycle was born. Was it my drinking that caused me to drink? Was it my drinking that caused me to isolate? Nope. Not at first. It was the abuse from the relationship. So, now you can see how "resolving to quit drinking" won't help me a whole lot. Sure, I may quit drinking for a bit, but the hurt and wounds that I drank to heal are still there. 

I must set the intention to heal. 

I must do the painful work of looking inside, and facing the hard truth of what my role is in this pain. Sure, I wasn't the abuser. But here we are, many moons later, and I promise you he's not thinking about me any longer. He's moved on to whatever is next for him. But me... I've held onto this pain for years. I suffered. I drank. I lost trust. I drank. I pulled away. I drank. I suffered more. I drank more. And eventually, I drank more. So I drank more. I need to heal. So I can trust again. So I can love again. So I can find joy again. And I need to find all of that within me. 

Ok, so let's get back to resolution vs intention. From where I sit, and this is just my point of view, resolve simply looks at fixing the side effect of a root problem. Where an intention allows me to look at the actual cause, to reflect on truth and intend to heal it. 

Now sure, that's a pretty heavy example. What if you're like, but hey... I just wanna set a resolution to wake up earlier. Fair enough. Not everything in life has to be heavy. But I still encourage you to use intention over resolution. Even if for the simple reason that intention feels softer, as does the let down should we fall off for a little while. Intention is a goal. And goals are worked towards over time. 

So cheers to a year of healing and growth. A year of doing the hard work. A year of waking up early! A year of intentions.

May love and light carry you.